


It's Hard Being Alexander Siegfried von Lohengramm

by geraineon



Category: Ginga Eiyuu Densetsu | Legend of the Galactic Heroes
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-14 13:53:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19274662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geraineon/pseuds/geraineon
Summary: Alexander Siegfried von Lohengramm from age one to eighteen. Background Hilda/Frederica.





	It's Hard Being Alexander Siegfried von Lohengramm

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of thoughts about the difficulty of being Reinhard and Hilda's child and words spewed out. Perhaps someday, I will write Felix's side of things.

Alexander Siegfried von Lohengramm at age one was able to say about twenty words; among them being “mother”, “mine”, ”want”, “no” and “toy.” He also skipped learning to crawl and went straight to trying to hobble quickly to his favourite people. This led to many incidents where he would fall and cry, so his mother, his aunt, grandfather, and Aunt Eva had learnt to go straight to him when they were in his vision (or in Felix’s case, carried to Alec immediately). That was what he was told anyway. He was too young to remember any of this. When his nannies told him stories, they always tell it with such fondness and exasperation that Alec felt that he must have been very precocious as a child. His mother rarely talks about that time, but when she does, it is with pride and a tinge of sadness. Other than the fact that it was just embarrassing to hear about one’s own childhood stories, he hated how it would make his mother feel, so he would always change the subject when it comes up.

Alexander Siegfried von Lohengramm at age three had learnt that he has a lot of power, and almost nobody could say no to him. That one time when his mother was away for an urgent and important meeting with the Ba’alat Starzone’s Representative, Frederica Greenhill and Grandfather was in the hospital for a hip replacement, he had demanded for cakes, cuddles, hugs, for Felix to stay for days and days, and he heard that it had driven almost everyone crazy (nobody would actually say that, but he is his mother’s son and is very good at reading between the lines). Eventually, Aunt Annerose dropped by and set very firm rules on what he can demand and how to demand them and ended his short tyranny. He heard that Aunt Annerose also spoke to his nannies and bodyguards very sternly about treating him as a child and not as the Kaiser. He never liked hearing this story because it was so embarrassing, and he felt bad about it, but his mother still brings it up whenever she feels that he is being particularly difficult, and he hates those lectures.

At age seven, Alec had a roster of tutors teaching him everything a child of seven should know and more. He hated how that took time away from playing but Felix was right there with him through all his lessons and seemed to be interested in learning, so Alec felt that he had to be mature about it too. It wasn’t all boring through, he loved hearing about all the different wars and battles, about his father and all the other admirals, and he especially loved hearing about how his mother effectively ended the Battle of Vermillion. He did not like learning about everything else as much. Felix was very good at that though. He was very, very good at everything Alec was not in and was equally good at everything Alec was good in. It wasn’t very fair, but Alec conceded that he was just not as driven as Felix. It was when he was seven that he started noticing that sometimes, people around him seem to expect a different response, or for him to act a certain way. It would be a few years before he fully understood why.

Alexander Siegfried von Lohengramm at age ten had made a very solemn vow to Felix, his best friend, that they will always be together, and no other friends will be a better friend to him than Felix. This came after his birthday celebration, where a lot of other people brought their children with them to play with him and he had to talk to all of them otherwise his mother would be disappointed at his lack of manners. He could tell that none of them were there because they wanted to, and their fathers were watching their interaction like a cast of hawks. He had noticed Felix stepping out of the room with a strange expression on his face and recalled that the only words they had exchanged the whole day were a birthday wish and a thank you, which was unacceptable. So, he had dropped all conversations with the other children of the other guests and went after his friend. He had expected his mother to give him a lecture on proper conduct and manners and other things like that later that day, but she just smiled and told him it was okay but do try to make his exit more discreet next time (not that anyone would dare to complain about the manners of their future Kaiser anyway, he thought).

Alexander Siegfried von Lohengramm at age fourteen had decided he needed to run away from the academy. He was somewhat successful even with all those people Kessler put on his watch (honestly, how was he supposed to mingle with the normal citizens of the Empire if he was followed by bodyguards all the time!). He was done with the expectations everyone seems to have for him. He had heard a lot about his father; about how Kaiser Reinhard von Lohengramm was a very charismatic leader, the most beautiful man, a brilliant strategist with many war victories, genius at statecraft, excelled at everything, can do no wrong and he knew he should not have said it but he had yelled angrily at his mother during their weekly video conversations that he hated being born to Kaiser Reinhard von Lohengramm and she had fallen silent. Unable to handle the guilt, he had slammed his communications device shut. He did not know what his mother would have said but he was angry, at the world, at himself, at everyone. That night, he waited until Felix had fallen asleep, packed enough clothes, food, and money to go to the Ba’alat Starzone and left through the window. He got as far as the gates of the academy undetected, but Felix was already there waiting for him. Instead of telling him to go back, Felix just asked him to go with him because, “without me, how do you plan to get away, you cry-baby” and stupid Felix was right, Alec cried immediately, ugly tears gushing down his cheeks as Felix just wrapped his arms around him comfortingly. They managed to stay away from detection for three days before ultimately, they were found by Mittermeyer who looked panicked, angry, and a little sad. Fearing that Mittermeyer would blame Felix, Alec blurted out that it was his fault but Mittermeyer just hugged Felix very tightly, and then told Alec that his mother was waiting for him and he would be escorted home.

That night, he and his mother had talked a lot about expectations and how he did not have to be the Kaiser if he did not want to. She spoke of how she did not bend to societal expectations of a woman, how Grandfather had supported her in her decisions, and how his own father, Reinhard, had never been a proponent of the dynastic system and how he fought against everything in the old order. Most importantly to Alec, she told him that he could be himself, and not another Reinhard and that Reinhard was not as perfect as everyone seemed to think he was. That night, she had spoken of a man who was quick to anger and had a temper so explosive that it set everyone on edge. She had spoken of a man who was bad at parties and social cues; a man who was very good at warfare but fumbled when it came to proposing marriage. She had spoken of a man who may be brilliant but was unable to understand why other people have trouble following his thoughts. That night, for the first time in his life, Alec had felt that his father was not a god but human and for the first time, he felt that he had finally surfaced from the depths of where he was drowning under the weight of his name; that it was okay not to be like Reinhard von Lohengramm.

Alexander Siegfried von Lohengramm at age eighteen realized he was in love. He was in love with his best friend and probably has been in love for all his life, but the realization snuck up to him when he saw Felix going out with girl after girl and feeling increasingly distressed about it. Romance and marriage had always been talked of as a sacred union between a man and a woman but his mother had been seeing Representative Greenhill a lot, and they seem to be very happy together (he did not want to think of that time he went home a little earlier because he was excited to see Frederica again, and saw his mother and Frederica in a suspicious state of undress). He was afraid that his feelings might make things awkward between them, but he was also afraid that confessing to his friend will irrevocably break their friendship.

Mittermeyer was not pleased by Felix’s many short-lived relationships but Felix had always treated all his dates well and he never had a bad break up. They had been spending less time together too, with Felix being groomed for the military and him starting to take over some of the load from his mother. Not knowing what to do about his feelings for Felix, Alec retreated even further from his friend, busying himself with meetings and visiting outlying territories. It was six months after Felix’s last relationship that they saw each other again. Alec was just leaving his ship when he heard a gunshot, and a person close to the edge of the crowd that has formed to welcome him back to Phezzan fell to the ground bleeding. His own guards had already formed a perimeter around him, their eyes cautiously scanning the environment for any other threats.

“Your Majesty, please order your men to stand down. The threat has been neutralized.”

Hearing that familiar voice brought back all the feelings Alec thought he had repressed, but he missed seeing his friend so much that only his extensive training in Appropriate Conduct (courtesy of his mother) that he managed to wave at his guards to stand down and walk to the source of that voice.

In the four months, they had not seen each other, Felix’s dark hair had grown a little longer and now covered the back of his neck. His eyes were still as piercing deep blue as always, but when Alec really looked at Felix, he noticed other things that have never been there before. Felix looked thinner and there was an edge to his expression that Alec remembered seeing a long time ago that suggested uncertainty and self-loathing. His body language was closed and distant.

Alec might not have inherited his father’s vast intellect, but he had inherited his mother’s emotional acuity and thinking back on how everything must have looked from Felix’s perspective, he suddenly felt that he needed to talk to his friend alone, and immediately. Knowing that Felix would try to leave if he did not do so, he ordered Felix into his ground car and told his aide to reschedule all his plans for that day. With the privacy screen in the ground car up, Alec turned to look at his friend.

He confessed his cowardice of not facing up to his own emotions; his selfishness at not thinking about how his actions would hurt his friend; of the inherent imbalance in their relationship where Felix always had to think of him first and his fear from childhood that maybe Felix never had a choice and given a choice, Felix would never have been his friend, that Felix might have to accept a proposal from him because he is his liege.

Felix listened, then after checking that the privacy screen was indeed up, closed the distance between the two of them and kissed Alec on the lips effectively shutting Alec up in the midst of his self-recriminations. Alec flushed, then melted into the kiss with tears freely rolling down his cheeks.

“You’re still a cry-baby,” Felix muttered in fond exasperation.

Whatever else that had happened in the ground car, he refused to commit to his daily journal, especially since Felix had promised to overthrow him if he turned out either crazy or incompetent like any of the previous Goldenbaum emperors (Alec was really glad for the privacy windows because Felix was being extremely stupid what if someone heard it, but also very sweet). There were also other things that had happened in the car that was better kept private.

Alexander Siegfried von Lohengramm at age eighteen was in love with his best friend, had his love reciprocated and for the first time in his life felt that maybe he can grow to be comfortable being the Kaiser, son of Reinhard von Lohengramm and Hildegaard von Mariendorf because Felix will be watching him every step of the way.


End file.
